But for 2002, P said she wanted to go somewhere far away and exotic, so that’s what I spent my bonus on. She wanted me to surprise her, which was the scary part. Last time I surprised her I took her camping and she spent the whole time sitting on the roof of my car wrapped in a mosquito net, because the campsite had been invaded by scorpions. I did better this time.

I didn’t want her to suspect where I had planned, so I booked a tour to Guam. The travel guide said there were no scorpions in Guam, and P didn’t guess where we were going until we landed, and then she was so surprised she didn’t say anything to me for a day. My surprise destination worked perfectly!

I have always been fascinated by Guam, the way some people are fascinated by Timbuktu or anacondas. I think it’s the name: Guam! The sound made when a soccer ball bounces off the field and hits the road, or bounces into your stomach and knocks the wind out of you.

In case you don’t already know, Guam is a small island in the Pacific Ocean. For a long time I wondered what the inhabitants of Guam were called - Guamese, perhaps, or Guamadillas? Then someone gave me a book on Guam, and I discovered that they are called Guamanians. The Guamanians have had a hard time of it over the centuries.

The ones that were there first are also known as the Chamorro, possibly because of their reposeful attitude to life. I imagine that, ‘Chamorro is another day,’ is a popular saying on the island.

Seems thus was a bit of a cultural misunderstanding. According to my book, ‘To the Guamanians, what the Europeans saw as theft was in fact traditional reciprocity practised in Chamorro society between hosts and guests.’ You could bring a bag of peanuts to a Chamorro party and leave with a Guama-Guama lounge suite, If you felt like it, which Magellan may not have understood, but I think It’s an eminently civilised custom.

Four hundred and sixty-four years later another Ferdinand took advantage of Guamanian generosity. This one’s surname was Marcos. He’d just lost his Filipino presidency and was on his way to the USA, but stopped in Guam, where his entourage ran up a hefty unpaid bill.

In 1898, while the USA was at war with Spain, a US warship sailed into the island’s harbour with guns firing. The officers were greeted warmly by the Spanish authorities on Guam, who had no idea the two nations were at war and apologised for not having enough ammunition to return the salute. They’re friendly in Guam. That’s why I wanted to go there.

And we found that the Guamanians have retained both their roots and their generosity of spirit. They accepted our strange customs (P walking around in a mosquito net) just as they have adapted to centuries of foreigners. I thank Boy George may well have been singing about them when he warbled, ‘Guama-Guama-etc-Guameleon.’

Legend has it that Elvis once entertained US troops on the island (also that he later took up residence on Guam and has recently been spotted slouching under a palm-leaf hat, but we didn’t see him). According to oral tradition, Guam concert organisers paid the King a substantial fee to make the journey and perform for them, so to show his gratitude he wrote a song about the island’s torrid history that began, ‘Well, it’s Guam for the money.. .’

P liked the beaches of Guam, but slept on the car roof again, saying something about “When the Guam flies, I don’t want it to land on me.” I didn’t see any flying Guam, except for the fellow selling us some kind of natural tobacco. He didn’t seem too firm on his feet.